From One Parent to Another: Advocacy in Your Child’s IEP Creates Real Progress

By Lauren Tarzia

If you are a parent of a child with an Individual Education Plan (“IEP”), you probably recognize this moment: it’s an endless winter, and while many families are simply moving through the school year, you are already thinking about what needs to happen next.

This can feel overwhelming and isolating. People may wonder why you’re planning so far ahead or assume you’re worrying unnecessarily. But for parents of children with IEPs, early planning isn’t anxiety — it’s advocacy. It’s the only way to make sure our children have the support they need when the next school year begins.

Both of my children have specific needs, and that reality requires my attention to school teams much earlier than most parents realize. Not because I want to rush time, but because waiting too long often means lost opportunities.

Being the Constant When Everything Else Changes

Schools work hard, but they don’t live with our children. They don’t see the anxiety that shows up after school, the skills that fall apart at home, or the exhaustion that builds over time. 

Teachers change. Staff changes. Classrooms change.

Parents, and kids like mine, don’t. 

As parents, we are the constant. We carry the history. We notice the patterns. We remember what worked, what didn’t, and what was promised. Because of that, we can’t leave it up to the school to “take it from here.” We have to stay engaged, ask questions, and think ahead.

Why Planning Has to Start So Early

By the time the annual IEP meeting arrives, many of the most important decisions should already be taking shape.

We are often thinking about:

• What accommodations will my child need next year—and will they need to evolve?

• Will the right staff be in place? Will they understand my child or need additional training and support?

• How will my child be meaningfully included in the school community? 

• What should we prioritize right now: academics, life skills, or social-emotional growth?

There is never enough time to do it all, and the pressure to “get it right” can feel overwhelming. All of this happens while life continues — work, parenting, therapies, appointments, homework, and the endless logistics of raising children with additional needs.

There are never enough hours in the day.

The Guilt That Comes With Every Decision or Guilt that Never Leaves

There is a particular kind of guilt that lives underneath parenting a child with an IEP.

The constant, quiet questions:

"Am I pushing my child too hard or not enough academically?"

"What is going to be the best thing to work on right now?"

The hardest part isn’t the planning itself — it’s the weight of wondering whether you are choosing the right priorities at the right time. When your child needs support in many areas, every decision can feel like a trade-off. Time spent building academic skills may mean less time for life skills or social development, and vice versa.

And when life skills are part of the picture, the future can feel especially heavy. You hope for independence. You hope for purpose. You hope for a life that feels meaningful and self-directed.

Deciding what to prioritize, especially when time, energy, and resources are limited, can feel like an impossible balancing act.

There is no perfect answer — only choices made with love, revisited again and again as our children grow and change. 

I try to anchor myself with a simple question:  

“What do I want for my child this year?” 

The answer evolves just as our children do.  

“You’re So Lucky — You Know All of This”

I am a speech-language pathologist and worked in public schools for many years. People often say to me, “You’re so lucky — you know how this system works.”

But the truth is, that knowledge doesn’t make this easier.

I still have to work incredibly hard to advocate for my children’s needs. I still have to prepare, follow up, push for services, and ask uncomfortable questions. And it is especially frustrating when a team doesn’t listen – when concerns are minimized, or when my expertise is brushed aside.  

I feel it not only as a parent, but as a seasoned special educator who knows what is possible when teams truly collaborate. 

Real collaboration requires trust. We, as parents, need to trust that the team understands our child and is committed to supporting them and schools need to trust that parents are bringing valuable insight to the table.  That trust doesn’t happen automatically. It has to be built over time and reinforced through communication, transparency, and shared goals.  

When trust is there, teams can truly work together. When it isn’t, it becomes much harder to stay aligned and make thoughtful decisions our children need.

And when collaboration doesn’t come easily, preparation becomes one of the most important tools parents can have.  

Preparation Over Perfection

Keep this in mind: 

You don’t need to be a professional expert to advocate for your child. You are the expert on your child.  

IEP meetings, (aka Planning and Placement Team (“PPT”) meetings) are formal by design, and that formality can feel intimidating. As parents, we often walk in leading more with our hearts than our heads.  

Preparing early helps create space between emotion and decision-making. It also gives you a space to ask questions, request explanations, and take time before agreeing to decisions. 

I have found that writing a parent statement and agenda for the meeting is incredibly helpful and powerful.  A parent statement sets the tone for the meeting.  It gives you a space to reflect and express to the team what’s working, what isn’t, and what your child truly needs next year. The agenda keeps the meeting in check and reminds you of the key points you don’t want to miss. Teams can easily glaze over things and as the parent you may be too emotional to remember to go back to certain topics. Check it off as you go and review it at the end of each meeting.

When to Bring In Outside Support

For some families, bringing a special education advocate to the meeting can also be incredibly helpful. An advocate understands the process and can help guide the conversation, ask questions, and make sure important procedures are followed and points don’t get lost or dismissed.  Sometimes simply having another person at the table can take some of the pressure off parents who are trying to hold everything together emotionally while also making important decisions.

Because the truth is, even when we prepare carefully, meetings don’t always go the way we expect. I have walked into meetings feeling completely confident and ready, notes in hand, only to lose my train of thought because I was overwhelmed or upset about something happening to my child.  When you are talking about your child’s struggles, it’s hard not to feel that deeply and you may miss key points. 

Of course not every family can hire an advocate. It can be expensive, and those costs add up quickly. But depending on the complexity of your child’s situation, it may be worth considering. (Stay tuned for one of my future articles on how to choose the right advocate or when it’s time to change advocates.)

Whether you have an advocate with you or not, preparation still matters. 

Planning ahead doesn’t mean you are anxious or demanding. 

It means you are paying attention. 

It means you love your child. 

And it means you understand that for our kids advocacy isn’t something we can step away from.

You Are Not Alone

IEP planning starts earlier than most people realize, and it never really ends. It is ongoing, emotional, and often invisible work. The journey doesn’t end — but neither does our role as their strongest advocate.

If this feels heavy, it’s because it is.

From one parent to another: you are not alone, and you are doing the best you can for your child — and that matters. Follow your instincts and always know that you are your child’s biggest champion!

Request your free IEP Parent Planning Guide & Worksheet

You don’t have to walk into your child’s IEP meeting feeling overwhelmed or unsure of what to say.

To help you prepare before your meeting, stay focused during the discussion, and follow up afterward, we created a simple, parent-friendly IEP Parent Planning Guide & Worksheet. Once you've clicked on the link and completed the form, you will receive a downloadable link to access the resource. You’ll also stay connected to future blog posts, resources, and community updates from Inclusive Together.

Inside the guide you will find:

• A clear overview of how to prepare before the meeting• Helpful reminders about what typically happens during an IEP meeting

• Guidance for what steps to take after the meeting

• A fillable worksheet to organize your thoughts, write down questions, and keep track of key information

Our goal is simple: help you walk into your meeting with clarity and confidence.